I’ve come to the hard conclusion today that I have to give up my dreams of being an ultrarunner.  Maybe someday in the future I can revisit these dreams, but for now I am tucking them away.  

I’m depressed thinking about how much money I am losing on race entries over the past year or so because injuries preventing me from running a race.  Or, if I run a race, being hurt afterwards.  Right now, I’m so tired of being in pain off and on that its not worth it.  

My hip hurts – some days it doesn’t, but on the days that it does, it affects everything I do.  

My back hurts – some days it doesn’t, but on the days that it does, it affects everything I do. 

My foot hurts – both Plantar Fasciitis and some weird cramping in the front of my foot that no one can seem to figure out. 

Now my left IT band hurts. 

Unfortunately – regular doctors (that is – one’s my insurance covers) don’t seem to care enough to actually fix the issues – just deal with pain.  Chiropractic helps and massage helps – but is not covered by my insurance and is getting more expensive than I care to keep paying. 

So – for now, I’m going to settle back into being a normal runner and staying at half marathon distances and less. Maybe focus on weight training more and lose the remaining 10 or so pounds I need to lose.  Keep eating healthy and enjoy other hobbies. 

It hurts to have dreams end.  However, it has been so worth it.  I can’t describe the feeling of completing my first marathon, 50K, 50 mile, and getting my beloved belt buckle.  I hope nobody feels the need to say I wouldn’t be injured if I wasn’t a runner, because my foot problems started long before I took up distance running and I know plenty of people with injuries that never ran.  

Life is full of challenges.  This is my current challenge.  I am sure there are things I need to learn.  I just haven’t figured them out yet.  One day I’d like to be pain free.  If not – I just need to learn to handle pain better and not let it play its lovely mental games that it does. 

I’ll still be on trails and roads – just shorter distances.  I still hope to help out at races.  I enjoy the ultra community too much to stay away.  Strangely enough – it “hurts” less to be out helping the community than to stay at home watching it on social media. 

But for now – I’m off to find some Phish Food.